Weird Job Ads 2
Astral office; spooky content; too real?
Insight Officer
Have you Insight?
Of course you do: you foresaw this vacancy, and the way it would slot so perfectly into your life. Now, here it is. Manifest.
You don’t predict – somehow, you simply know.
The hidden movements of human hearts; the great stirring of star-souls; the flow of time and tide and tears.
You understand them all. Perhaps not cognitively – but intuitively, embodied, emotionally. Incomprehensible, and yet: you comprehend.
Just enough so that a moment before it happens… you sense it. A tingle. A glitch. An ethereal itch.
Déjà vu is not déjà vu, to you.
It may be the conjunction of that car reaching the red light just as that person walks out of the shop, dropping an orange and in a moment you see what will happen; and then it does.
You may have dabbled in tarot, astrology, tea leaves, the I Ching – but you’ve never really needed them. Your third eye is a normal eye to you.
From the slightest pressure brushing your skin to the feeling that rises from deep in your bones, everything seems to be going the way it should. How else could it be going?
Prophecy whispers from every cup of coffee; fate roars through your email inbox; destiny speaks in the music of conference calls.
Déjà vu is not déjà vu, to you.
You will help us in many ways, with this gift you believe to be a curse. We will show you how to harness it, to use it, to do good.
You’ll know if this is you. We already do.
You need not apply. You already have the job, even though it has not yet come to pass.
See you in the office. You know where.
Ghost Content Creator
This is an on-site role for a resilient and sensitive individual. On any given day you might be creating content for clients as diverse as Victorian child paupers to beheaded medieval noblemen.
We really shouldn’t have bought this office space: in retrospect, it was suspiciously cheap. In our defence, we only discovered that it was the home of the Half-Moon Killer after we moved in. And the renovation work that uncovered an ancient burial ground? That was pure bad luck!
We cannot afford to relocate, and so an opportunity has arisen for a Ghost Content Creator. Our clients are not of this dimension any more, but still: they crave content. They restlessly haunt the corridors of our workplace, desperate to like and share short video clips and memeable images.
Do you have an eye for Detail? Detail is the spirit-dog who lingers in this place, seeking his lost eye. Detail is ironically named: his tail is actually immaculate. You’ll be sensitive to oddly cold sections of a room and be able to hear voices through bursts of radio static (we’re a Radio 2 office!).
The ability to both plan for the future and respond to the present is essential: can you be our happy medium? Ghosts currently occupying our building need not apply: we’ll see right through your application.
Projectionist
Do you experience reality, and your self, as arriving into your conscious mind through the senses – or are you aware that you encounter the world through the lens of your own history, biases, and trauma? Can you grasp the nuance of simultaneously making existence up as you go along, other beings doing the same, and it being there independently of your perception?
No? Then please apply for the role of Projectionist at our organisation, which is in urgent need of a disruptive personality that takes no responsibility for how they show up.
Core competencies:
Believing everyone else is always wrong; an ability to see the bad in others and none in yourself.
Reflexive blaming of literally anyone or anything else for your disappointments
“It’s your fault!” is the way you handle conflict
Disowning your emotions and identifying them as external to you – particularly in other people
A hair-trigger response to being perceived as less than you are.
If you struggle with vulnerability and want to explore how you can compensate by acting superior to others, please apply. The selection process is highly unfair, specifically to you and no-one else: just the way you like it!
Still laughing over “Do you have an eye for Detail?”!!!!!
These are soooo funny 😹